Magic itself
by Canaryarcher
Summary: Simon's having nightmares while Baz is trying to comfort him the best way a gay vampire-magician can. Oneshot set years after Watford. Contains fluffy SimonBaz and a food-loving Penelope!


**I couldn't resist writing a SimonBaz fic when I was done reading Carry On. I managed to come up with this short oneshot, pouring my feels right into it.**

 **My dear friend GirlFromNorth was kind enough to beta read my fic (and sorry you had to google those...things), so a big thanks!  
Leave a review if you feel like it (or I'll haunt you in your dreams), please! :)**

 **Disclaimer: Rainbow Rowell is the creator and owner of these characters!**

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I woke up with a jerk, almost hitting my head on the infuriatingly low ceiling. For a second I thought I was _going off_. That thought scared me every time it slipped through my mind. The feeling kept occurring when I woke up now and then, and as usual it was just a hallucination. Thank Merlinfor that. I must've been really tired since I could still feel the twitch in my fingertips.

Penny probably heard me as she came knocking on my door.

"Simon, you alright?" she asked and slowly opened the door. Her long hair was the first visible thing, shortly followed by her concerned face peeking out. A lovely smell of bacon and fried eggs crossed the threshold and slunk into the room.

"Yeah," I sighed. "Just the usual," I explained while trying to get out of bed without stumbling over my tail. That also tended to happen.

Penny gave me a nod. She had gotten used to it by nowbut that didn't stop her from coming to check on me every single time I had a nightmare.

"You want breakfast?" she asked.

She didn't even need to ask. She probably saw it in my eyes. I was _always_ hungry. Penny kept smiling and disappeared into the kitchen in a flash, leaving the door open. I couldn't resist the smell and she knew it.

It had been three years since I gave up my magic to save the world from myself. The Insidious Humdrum had been _me_ all those years. I hated myself for that sometimes; for not finding out about it sooner. For not stopping the Mage when he killed Ebb. I won't ever let go of it. Penelope liked to remind me about "the true hero you are, Simon", but I don't want the credit. It was my mess to clean up, so I did what I had to.

A lot went wrong that year, but people kept telling me that there was as much good as bad coming out of it in the end. Of course I miss my magic sometimes, but I got over it. My boyfriend Baz, on the other hand, had a hard time letting it go. I could see it in his eyes. Everything he felt. It's always there, behind those grey eyes. When he gets really heated, it usually helps with a kiss. That seems to be the best way to get him to shut up about it.

"Simon, you want your eggs or not?" Penny shouted from the kitchen. Always in a hurry. My sweet and thoughtful (and worryingly keen, therefore slightly scary) friend.

I got dressed as fast as possible, though my wings always make it take twice as long as it should. Penelope and I always have this morning-ritual when she spells my wings and tail invisible. I used to tell her that it's just a waste of magic and time, but she's stern. She won't ever stop caring about me, she said. Deep down I still know that I would barely make it through the day without her spells, besides it's grown into a habit, so I stopped complaining.

When I started scooping eggs on a plate, Penny was already gathering her things for school. I'm more than glad she stayed here and didn't move away. I wouldn't be able to stand _not_ having Penelope Bunce by my side.

"Baz is coming over today, by the way," I exclaimed.

She spun around and smiled at me. Always smiling.

"You know Simon, you're at least sweet enough to inform me for possible incoming romance-scenarios,"she told me, and then grumbled under her breath; "Unlike a _certain_ _ex-roommate_ back at Watford."

I couldn't understand how she could still ramble about those two, the pixie and her girlfriend. Penny rarely talked about Watford; it was probably too much for her. Although,when she did speak about our former school, she never mentioned any of the bad things that happened. Maybe she created a mental image of the Watford she wanted it to be, not what it actually was.

When I was about to throw a comment back at her, she was already gone. I'm not studying as much and as intensively as she is, which is why I (mostly) get to be here in our apartment during the day - unlike her.

Baz arrived before Penny did today. I didn't expect him to do that, which is why I almost fell off the chair when he sneaked up behind me and exhaled against my neck. He chuckled as I turned around with distinct confusion covering my tawny face.

"Don't look so shocked, Snow" he said. "It's not like I've planned to kill you, at least not for now. Although it's kinda hard _not_ to, with that cute face and all."

The trademark smug grin was (as always) plastered to his face, and he continuously refused to call me by my first name – but perhaps that was part of the reason why I alwaysmelted when I heard his low-pitched and soothing voice.

I stood up and slowly pushed away the chair. Baz didn't move an inch. I tilted my head a little bit, letting the golden strands of hair fall in front of my eye. I gave him a playful smirk and circled around him. He didn't even flinch. His black, messy hair just screamed for me to touch it. I had a hard time resisting my _very_ strong feelings for him, but he wouldn't get the attention I knew he craved just like that; I'd make him try harder.

"You'll pay for that," I whispered in his ear, gently putting my hand on his shoulder. I could feel his body shiver from the smothered giggling. Even though I couldn't see his face, I _knew_ he was amused.

Before I got to slip away, he grabbed my wrist and swung around, forcefully pushing me against the wall while kissing me. It was so pure and fierce I had to inhale deeply. His breath was so fiery I thought he'd burn me, and his usually chalky white skin turned slightly pink. My heart hammered faster than a racing train and I was _completely_ lost in him, in Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch.

"Get a room you two already," Penny sighed and slammed the door.

Her sudden entrance made us both jump like guilty schoolchildren caught in the act of stealing cookies.

"Hello Bunce."

"Oh, Penny!"

Baz was still holding me, and I didn't make any attempts to detach myself. I could still hear the blood pulse through my body as well as Baz's heavy breathing. Penny rolled her eyes at us and trudged to her own room with her bag bouncing on her back for each and every step she took.

I slept well that night. _We_ did. Baz and I. No nightmares came to haunt me. There was just Baz, curled up next to me, smelling like wet wood and rotten leaves. I'm quite sure he went hunting after I fell asleep. He was sleeping so peacefully next to me when I woke up, breathing calmly without snoring. He kept nagging about me snoring when _he_ tried to sleep. Maybe I do, but I must admit I kind of enjoy annoying him. Just like the good old days.

" _You're the worst, Snow,"_ he used to mention.

" _I know. That's why we fit together."_

 _There._ Again. The twitch in my fingers. It burst through my entire body, like a strike of hot water pouring into every cell. I was so surprised I practically jumped out of bed, desperately trying to get rid of the feeling by shaking my arms. It vanished as quickly as it came to me. My body was shaking, so I just stood there on the chilly floor trying to calm down. Nightmares were bad, but _this_? This was worse. Hallucinating during the day wasn't something I was ready to deal with.

"Simon?" he whispered quietly. I don't know if he really asked _me_ , or just himself.

Baz had gotten out of bed and wrapped his silky, dark-blue robe around himself. _"Only a gay vampire-magician would wear that thing,"_ I told him once. He had just laughed at me.

Baz wasn't laughing now. He had moved insanely fast and stood now by my side, gently holding my waist. He was rubbing my lower back in small circles, trying to make me relax. He knew me. I could feel my breathing returning to the normal and my body felt like jelly. I would probably not have been able to stand unless Baz had kept me upright.

"Simon?" Penny asked worryingly. When I didn't answer she turned to Baz. "Basil, can you handle it? Make sure he's okay before you let him out of your sight, please".

I could hear him snort, probably giving her the _I-know-what-I'm-doing-face_. Those two never stopped fighting over who's the best and brightest magician. They never wanted to admit it though.

"Maybe I should call my dad. We can't let him live on with that, right? Think about it boys. I gotta go," she said before she ran to the kitchen and then out the front door.

"You ok?" he finally asked in his dark and masculine voice. It always made me feel so young and vulnerable. I just nodded and slipped away from him. I didn't want him to pity me, and he said he couldn't (and probably didn't want to) stop.

When I finally dragged myself to the kitchen, Baz stood there with the daily newspaper (intended for Normals, but it was nice to read sometimes) leaning against the fridge. When he saw me he softened a little bit and nodded towards the plate of corned beef and sandwiches. This quality of brunch indicated only one thing: Penny was in her cooking-period again, when she made overly fancy meals that lasted for weeks. She even made more food than usual when she knew Baz was coming over for the weekend, even though she really didn't have to. Our fridge was already filled to the breaking point.

When I sat down I didn't need to wait for long.

"You want to talk about it?" he asked, still squinting at the newspaper now and then.

There was a brief awkward silence before I decided what to say. I tried to sound like it wasn't that big of a deal.

"Nah, it just… It was the first time it occurred while I was awake, that's all."

He didn't seem satisfied with my answer. Of course he didn't. He was a bloody real Grimm-Pitch, so obviously he could tell if I lied. Or just told him half of the truth. But I wasn't completely dishonest with him, so I hoped he realized that.

I tried to cheer him up. "It's actually snowing outside for once. It's December already. Crazy, right?"

"Yeah. Crazy."

Penelope came home early today. She was covered in snow when she rushed inside, still having the bad habit of slamming the door shut. Puddles of water appeared in the hallway where she stomped around. She looked so excited and pumped.

"Simon! Baz!" she screamed.

"What?" Baz shouted back.

"Get outside!"

"Why?" I asked.

"Because I'm going to kick your sorry asses in this snowball-fight!"

I didn't know she was that good at throwing snowballs. Believe me, it sounds so simple, but I don't possess the skill of throwing snowballs. Or to throw anything at all, for that matter. Baz on the other hand swung his firm arm as forcefully he could. Penny rarely got hit. She was too fast. I wondered whether she cheated and used magic sometimes, but there was too much snow to see anything. Occasionally Baz threw at me too, but he was rather careful with me today.

When Penny finally gave up and just fell to the ground, lying there in the snow for a while, I took my golden opportunity when Baz was distracted to aim at his back. I missed, of course, but he still noticed it. He turned around, grinning at me with his fangs showing. A second later he grabbed my shoulder and pushed me into a pile of snow. He came closer to take a look at me, maybe to taunt me. That's when I grabbed his leg and pulled him down. I got to see his confused and horrified facial expression before he was covered in snow.

We tumbled around in the backyard, fighting, but mostly just pressing snow in each other's faces. Both of us were panting after a few minutes. My gloves were soaking wet, but I didn't care. I was sitting on top of Baz, both legs straddling each of his hips. He was calmer now, looking at me with a gleam in his eye. I bent down over him, giving him a kiss and gently nibbling at his lower lip. Then more kissing. Deep and heavy breaths. Cold smoke escaping his mouth. Snow all over his neck that I gradually made disappear, and then we rolled over. His weight on me just made me more excited. I think he might have noticed, giving me that smug smile and then he was all over me.

I don't really know how long we kissed, but I couldn't feel my fingers when we were done. Sweaty, wet and exhausted we laid on our backs, watching the boring, grey sky.

"Simon, you're hot," he suddenly said.

"You keep telling me that, yeah."

"No, Simon, you're _hot_!"

Then I realized what he meant. I was freezing, but I could tell he was right, because the snow around us started melting at fast pace. This wasn't anywhere near normal. I could barely feel my legs, and then it came again. I could hear Baz scream, and then seconds later I heard Penny casting spells around us in case the neighbours would see us.

The force struck me harder this time. My upper body was almost lifting from the ground because of the cramps. I couldn't breathe. Everything was blurry, but I could see Penny running around me, shouting. This wasn't happening. This was just a hallucination, right?!

It drifted throughout my whole body; I could feel it move around, like a parasite deciding where to live. My back had never hurt this much _ever_ in my entire life. I felt the pain, twisting and making my body squirm in positions I didn't know was possible. I didn't have any oxygen left and I could feel my eyes twitching from left to right. The same feeling of boiling water flooding my cells washed over me, this time feeling a hundred times more intense than before. My very blood seemed to burst into flames as it coursed through my veins, making my heart beat faster in terror, and the pain bursting through my head to pound along with my frantic heartbeat.

 _So this is how I'm going to die._

Then I shut my eyes.

When I finally woke up I didn't first know where I was. Then I remembered. I was still lying in our backyard, though I had some blankets wrapped around me. A nasty headache raged in my head. A few moments later I could get a glimpse of Baz sitting on a chair, leaning with his head in his knee. He looked pale and so tired, almost like he was fading away. That made me sad, because deep down, I knew the reason to it was me.

There were at least two other people in the backyard. One of them I recognised as Penny, but the other one? I tried to sit up. Then they finally noticed me. Baz' face hardened, like he didn't want me to see his actual, and horrible, condition.

"Easy there Simon," Penny's dad said calmly, spelling an invisible barrier around me.

I don't know if I was more chocked that _he_ was there, or the fact that he just trapped me _in my own backyard_. Either way, he must've arrived here fast. I guess Penelope made the emergency call. I didn't know whether to be happy or mad at that. For the moment I decided to just stay as calm as could until I got some answers.

Penny could probably see my confusion and disappointment, so she spoke up:

"Simon, something's wrong. You passed out for _three hours_ , and I seriously don't know how I kept myself together… You were in so much pain!"

It almost looked like she'd cried. Penny didn't seem to want to continue, so her dad took a few steps closer.

"How do you feel, and what do you remember?"

"I…I just…"

The flashbacks hit me harder than I thought. I started shaking again, which totally freaked Penny out.

"Simon, calm down. I'm going to try explaining this whole…situation as good as I can, but you need to take a deep breath." He had a really soothing voice. "I'm not sure, but it seems like magic is returning to your body, trying to root, but your body won't accept it. Not right away at least. Baz and Penny here told me about your hallucinations. I'm quite sure they were actually real, trying to warn you," he was biting his lips and almost whispering by now.

I didn't want to start weeping, but I had a hard time not to. The panic was already there in my spine, pushing me to do something.

"What we're trying to say, Simon, is that we can't be sure about what consequences this will bring, therefor the barriers. So sorry about that," Dr Bunce continued.

I felt so weak and so helpless.

"But why is this even happening, and how come it's even possible?!"

Baz who hadn't said a single word yet stood up and walked right in front of me. He sat down on his knees and looked me in the eye. There was a slight worry in his deep, smoking grey eyes. I saw him take a moment, probably gathering his thoughts before opening up. Penny and her dad had already given us some space and walked away. Despite that I could still hear them casting healing & protecting spells all around me.

"Simon, put your hand against mine."

Baz had put his hand on the invisible barrier of strong spells, so I mirrored him. I could already feel the first tear fall on my cold cheek. He was so close, yet so far away from me. It was like everybody drifted away. Maybe I was cursed.

"Simon Snow, you might be a moron and a clumsy little idiot, but you're _my_ idiot, my hero. I'll always be there for you, no matter what, so you need to trust me. You may have been one the worst magicians to ever live at Watford, but you were still born of magic. You don't _do_ magic," he took a short break, "Simon, you _are_ magic itself. Therefore I'm now asking you to push through the magic separating us."

There was so much to take in and I was exhausted, but I couldn't let him down. That's why I let go and _pushed_. I felt it rising to the surface like a beam of power, but it felt differently. It was soft and pulsing.

I practically fell into Baz' arms, but he didn't mind. He just stroked my hair and cradled me until I fell asleep to his soft voice whispering: " _It's gonna be alright, Snow. I gotcha."_

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 **Yep. Just gonna leave it like that. (Remember: reviews = sweet dreams!)**


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